More Than Points

Ever wonder where that pick-up line comes from? On a scale of witty pick-up lines it would probably rank a ONE – it’s what people nowadays would call “old school”.

If you’re looking for a historical dig on the origins of this pickup line, you’ll have to look elsewhere. I don’t know the answer to that, but it does lead me to an interesting phenomenon called The Familiar Stranger.

Repetition brings with it, familiarity, especially when traveling. I see the same people on the same flights that I take every week, but I never talk to those people, even though I could pick out their faces in a crowded subway train on any day of the week.

I could tell you particular details about their luggage, how they wait for the boarding, even what reading materials they prefer. Yes, we’re bordering stalker material here.

The question is, do I have a relationship with these people?

The Intel Research Berkeley Lab (a joint venture between UC Berkeley and Intel) is doing a research project on this phenomenon and notes:

The Familiar Stranger is a social phenomenon first addressed by the psychologist Stanley Milgram in his 1972 essay on the subject. Familiar Strangers are individuals that we regularly observe but do not interact with. By definition a Familiar Stranger (1) must be observed, (2) repeatedly, and (3) without any interaction. The claim is that the relationship we have with these Familiar Strangers is indeed a real relationship in which both parties agree to mutually ignore each other, without any implications of hostility. A good example is a person that one sees on the subway every morning. If that person fails to appear, we notice.

I’ve seen a person on the subway while going to the airport, again at the check-in kiosk, and again boarding my flight. Imagine that happening a few times – I would notice the pattern, but not necessarily speak to the stranger. Now, if I ran into that same person in some random location, I would feel much more comfortable talking to that person as opposed to a complete stranger.

The blog, Tasty Research, points out:

This phenomenon is explained as a response to the overload of inputs from the environment — perceptual processing takes considerably less time than social processing.

However, I think when you see someone you barely recognize from school a few years later at a department store, it feels like you’re friends because you know each other relatively better than everyone else there.

I always experienced this, but never thought to associate it with a scientific phenomenon. Food for thought.

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Inspiration for this entry located here.